Archive for October, 2015

Mindful Matters: Strengthening from lessons to grow on

Monday, October 26, 2015

We live in a parenting culture that seems to pit parents up against a very high standard for perfection. Parents may feel as if their child will not be “happy” or “succeed” unless they, as parents, provide  the “perfect” education as well as the “perfect” home life. Parents search Pinterest, Facebook and social media to compare and evaluate their performance.  This psychology or seeking “right” answers for how to parent to prevent failure only promotes undue anxiety and fear that, in turn, promotes the unrealistic thinking.

May I dispel the myth that parents have such control as to influence an outcome of “happy ever after?”  Honestly, there are children who grow up in deprivation who make it to a fulfilled and meaningful life outcome. And, there are children who have every privilege and opportunity who have never known pain who feel empty, depressed and cannot benefit from an overwhelm of resources.

And, here is the important thing to meditate upon to practice the letting go that is so essential for helping our children grow resilience.  The universe a is in charge far more so than you as parent.  Further, strengthening of resilience comes out of imperfection and failure. We cannot and should not expect our loved ones to avoid challenging experiences. Pain and loss, disappointments and grief are part of life for all of us. We want our children to be strong in the face of whatever they must manage in order to mature. Think of delayed gratification and frustration tolerance as muscles that need developing. This strength will take them far and add to their courage, enabling them to take risks and engage in the world.

Parenting is about standing nearby to catch a child should he or she fall. It is about guiding them with a shining light and offering just enough support that enables them to practice on their own. And, parenting is about witnessing the disappointments and loss while holding and securing our children as they mature. The fact that family is there for them  is the blessing. While offering wisdom may be helpful, most wisdom is accepted upon the opening of error. That is when the lesson sinks in and can be owned and managed by our children, adding to their bank of lessons to grow on.