Archive for August, 2012

Parenting with Confidence

Monday, August 20, 2012

Children are very intuitive. They become difficult to manage when they sense that their caretaker is not really present. Parenting with Calm Confidence is all about your nervous system!  We have a central nervous system, composed of the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems. Our sympathetic nervous system [SNS] is all about “fight or flight”. It is activated whenever we are reactive and tense, facing stress and challenge.

Unfortunately, most parents are managing their children with their SNS cranked up high, putting parents and children at risk for way to much reactivity. Before you know it, managing your home and children becomes a daily drama of whining, screaming, begging and bargaining. Too much drama! And, children get quite attached and desensitized to the reactivity. Trust me, it is going to drain you more than them….

When you face your day as a parent or even your morning or evening shift, so to speak, how do you prepare yourself mentally and physically for the pure resolve of being present with your children. Breathe deeply for 5 or 10 minutes to a slow count of 5 or 6, in and out, through your nose, prior to getting up to face your day. Calm, slow, intentional breathing to activate your Parasympathetic Nervous System [PNS].  In this manner, you will be like a calm pilot or nurse who has to face challenges with nerves of steel.  Managing children with calm centered energy means “you rock” with centered power.

No distractions, no resentment expressed in body language or sarcasm. Just calm and pure presence as you manage your little ones. I promise that if you are genuinely present, like a nursery school teacher, with a voice and body that says, “I am here to be present.” In this manner, it is easier to manage little ones who know in a millisecond when their caretakers are preoccupied. Give it a try and come down slow, low and matter-of-fact with your commands and directives. No threats, just simple calm commands with long pauses in-between. Use your voice coming down slow and low with less than ten words.  You will be surprised how it is actually your powerful energy delivered straight to the heart and mind of your child, like an umbilical cord enlivened to direct and guide them that WORKS.  No candy, not applause, no bargaining necessary.